


Into Nothingness

by monstersandmen



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-07
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-05 00:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monstersandmen/pseuds/monstersandmen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The end of a relationship.</p>
<p>(Set in some kind of AU. And yeah, I really wanted to write something sad.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into Nothingness

On the first day, he didn't feel lonely.

 

He tried to get drunk, and even though he failed, he still had a great time with his buds, hitting on random girls and getting all the attention he needed.

He felt free, for the first time in seven years, without someone asking him where he had been, what he had done and all the other annoying questions.

 

He finally had enough space to hang up his punchbag again, and the remote was all his, all day long – no stupid fights whether they would watch Grey's Anatomy or CSI anymore.

 

On the second day, he got bored, but he was still fine.

 

At least he told himself that he was.

That he didn't miss his stupid hair, or his always-way-too-confident grin.

The way his brows furled, when he was pondering over something.

How he made up the most brilliant, snarky remarks out of thin air.

His soft skin.

 

It was on the third day, when he finally realized what had happened.

 

That he _was_ indeed lonely.

That he _did_ miss him, and everything about him.

 

All the feelings he managed to hide somewhere deep inside, for two ridiculous days at least, were suddenly crashing down on him.

 

_It's not fair._

 

_That wasn't the plan._

 

There had been plans; many of them. Some of them had silently existed since the day they got to know each other, others had been made between sweaty after-sex-sheets, their bodies intertwined in impossible positions, with both their heads still dizzy with endorphine, and most of them had been sealed with devoted kisses and loving promises.

 

Like...

 

“ _One day I'll marry you, Rogers. I promise.”_

 

He tried his best not to think about that one, especially.

He tried, until it hurt.

 

He tried to distract himself, beat the hell out of his punchbag until his knuckles were red and sore, but it didn't help at all.

 

He knew that it was wrong to let his anger take over, but then again... it had to be somebody's fault, right?

 

You couldn't just simply _unlove_ someone, could you?

 

Feelings didn't simply _vanish_.

 

Or... no. No.

 

There had to be a reason, someone' fault, a huge miscalculation... _something, anything...!_

 

_Maybe..._

 

Maybe all of this was his fault.

Maybe he hadn't done everything he could.

Maybe he had never deserved him in the first place.

Maybe... Tony was better off without him.

 

With Bruce.

 

_Bruce._

 

He liked him; he really did.

Bruce was a nice guy – friendly, maybe a bit too shy and definitely too geeky for Steve's taste.

But still, a nice guy.

 

The last person on earth with whom he would've expected to find Tony cheating on him.

 

How was that stupid-ass saying again?

Still waters run deep.

 

Compared to Tony, _everyone_ was still water, even Steve.

But still... Bruce must have been deeper.

 

He didn't realize that he was on the verge of tears until he suddenly found it hard to breathe.

His hands still hurt.

His chest tight.

Headache...

 

As if he was sick.

Sick of all these feelings, thoughts... memories.

 

And he didn't have a cure.

Nothing to hold on to.

 

Everything that had ever meant something to him... had _defined_ _him!_... was gone. 

 

On the fourth day, he slowly drifted into nothingness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
